Are you in a good year?

I often recall which years were good ones for me, or at least which were particularly memorable based on what happened in the year, or what my predominant emotion was at the time; to the best of my memory, was I happy, or frustrated, or tired most of the year? Based on my perception, I make the determination as to whether the year was 'good', 'bad', or 'uneventful'.

It's also possible for a year to appear to be bad during the time I was experiencing it, but in hindsight, turned out to be a good year after seeing the eventual results. I take this into account also. In fact, some of the worst years actually turn out to be good years in hindsight.

I found that the common theme occurring among the favorable years were that these were the ones where I felt the most alive, carefree, and passionate. They were also years where I achieved some profound insight, or had some experience that had a big effect that stayed with me up to the present. Here's a list of my 'good' years starting from 1985 up to the present. The years in bold text were ones that were particularly memorable.

1986
1989
1991
1993
1994
1996
1998
1999
2001
2004
2006


Are you in a good year?

We don't live here anymore

Lately, I've been obsessed with history. Not the type of history you read in books, but rather 90's history. Or more specifically, 90's mall history.

You may not have known that back in the day, I was a world class walker. I once walked three hours straight all around the city, passing through busy smoke-filled streets, and going through various outdoor and indoor malls along the way. Exploring the ins and outs of various marketplaces was a passion of mine.

When I was in college, my favorite places to explore were the old Greenbelt shopping center, and Virra Mall in Greenhills, Ortigas. The great thing about these places was that they were relatively safe to hang out in, and they had a lot of hidden areas you could discover. Greenbelt and Virra Mall were also very disorganized and decentralized, which added to its appeal. You would have to make an effort to go from one cool spot to another, sometimes needing to cross a street or walking several blocks to another structure to get to the next place.

It remained this way up to the late 90's, until the Ayala and Ortigas developers decided to 'modernize' these places. This led to a lot of changes causing these places to be barely recognizable today from what it once was. The Virra Mall building was demolished to make room for a brand new structure which was well-lighted, had modern air conditioning, and floor tiles. While on the surface, this seemed to be an improvement over the old mall, I felt that something was lacking. The old magic was gone. It had turned into a much nicer, yet overcommercialized and dull place.

Greenbelt, as you might remember from the 90's was composed of a bunch of disjointed shopping areas such as Plaza Fair, Makati Supermarket, Greenbelt Cinema (which had only two choices of movies), Coronado Lanes bowling center, and a sprinkling of eateries such as Mushroomburger, Ulam ni San Pedro, and Tokyo Tokyo. I loved walking outside in the sun, going from Greenbelt Cinema to Plaza Fair, to Mushroomburger. If you had more energy, you would explore the streets where the multinational corporations had their offices - particularly Legaspi, Salcedo, and Paseo de Roxas. 'Jolly Jeeps' lined up the streets, these were passenger jeepneys that sold food in plastic bags to office workers.

Today, Greenbelt is barely recognizable. All the old structures are gone. They were systematically demolished and replaced piece by piece by more upper class establishments catering to yuppies and high society people. What you have in place of Greenbelt Park, Mushroomburger, and Ulam ni San Pedro is now Greenbelt 3 - ground zero for the yuppie crowd. You no longer have to cross the street to get from place to place, instead you have to pass a narrow passageway with a security guard who inspects your belongings before you can go through.

There is also this new multi-story class 'A' mall called Greenbelt 5, where all the fancy restaurants are stationed. My friend and I were even turned away one late Friday night by the guard, as he told us it was 'closed', although from a distance, we could see that he was still letting through attractive well-dressed couples in the building. He probably thought that we didn't look like we can afford any of the pricey restaurants inside.

Similarly, the bowling alley, Coronado Lanes, is gone, replaced by more yuppie restaurants and a hotel extension. The small department store, Plaza Fair, is now a pile of rubble, and I see more construction going on in the spot where it once was. I'm not sure what they are constructing in its place, perhaps more yuppie spots.

The streets of Greenbelt are not as fun to walk around as before. Instead of the free-flowing stroll around the various streets with the sunshine and fresh air, what we have now are covered pathways converging into small bottleneck checkpoints that are covered by security guards, making sure the area is safe and secure for the yuppies. I am forced to find alternate walking paths, usually small back alley streets where the air conditioning exhaust vents lie.

Which brings me back to my obsession for history, namely mall history. As I walk around these old areas, I close my eyes and try to remember what it once was. I look through old pictures, and old maps showing what these places looked like before they were 'modernized'. I try to identify where the old Mushroomburger, the old Plaza Fair, the old Coronado Lanes, and the old shops of Virra Mall once existed. When I am able to successfully recall these and get back the old feeling, I make a note of it for future reference.

In essence, I am like a ghost, wandering around the old hangout places, trying to remember the way things used to be. These places used to be home. Today, they are just malls.

Risk Management

There are two ways to approach it.

You can take a well paying job, secure employment. Perhaps you don't like it as much as you would want to, but it's not too bad. And the salary is nice, so you can't complain. Plus, you need to keep working in order to pay the bills, pay down the car and house, and provide you with something to do. It's ok because you're not unhappy, and it fills up time.

Plus, when you get home you can always sit back, have dinner, watch TV, play with your kids, then go to sleep. Stable, quiet, contented. On weekends you tend to your chores. Do the laundry, take out the garbage, watch some more TV, maybe take the spouse and kids out shopping. Everything is going well. You're counting the years until retirement when you can finally relax, not have to go to work anymore, hopefully have enough saved to last you to your senior years.

The other way is a little different.

You can take some job, or something that serves as supplementary income, not as good paying, but less demanding. It doesn't give you much in financial security, but it gives you more of your own time which you can spend the way you wish. As you've got less money to spend, you are forced to simplify things - no car, smaller house (or renting a smaller place). It keeps you lean and hungry, and with more energy to concentrate on the items that interests you the most.

You don't really have much chores as there's less stuff to maintain. There's more time in the day and more energy in reserve, so you're too restless to watch TV, and too much to do rather than count the years until retirement. At this point, the field is wide open. You can end up flat broke, or you can expand your environment in such a way that it increases your field of vision and leads you to accomplish what is most important.

Of the two scenarios described above, one of them is inherently risky, yet has the illusion of security. While the other is risky in appearance, but indirectly more secure.

A Bum's Guide to Being Happy

Everyone says they want to be happy, and chase it like some elusive goal. I can vividly remember those times when I was genuinely happy, only to let it slip away for some time period before I could recapture it again.

I wanted to figure out what my state of mind was during the happiest times. So I came up with a list of items that I felt were the precursors to happiness. The closest I got to this state, the more natural joy existed.

I found out that my list of items that contributed to the happy state go against what they tell you you ought to be in order to be 'successful'. Listen closely to what your internal voice tells you. And try not to be influenced by all the outside voices telling you what you should do and how you should act.

Here's the list:

1. Lower expectations

Many people maintain very high expectations of what they want to be and what they want to have. They want to be good-looking even if not all can look like Brad Pitt. They want to be rich and have nice luxuries even though they can't afford them. Many want to be popular and respected, and are willing to put on an act in order to get it.

When you lower your expectations for yourself and accept the way things are, you become more relaxed, easy-going and cheerful. I went through the phase when I just accepted that I would never be hunk-type handsome or own a multi-story house with several cars. I had the thought that what I had now was probably as as good as it gets. That I may never achieve anything else. And I was fine with that. The freedom and natural high I felt at that moment was indescribable. When in doubt, lower your expectations and let go of your wants.


2. Simplify your life

I was most unhappy during those times when my life was most complicated. I remember when I was trying to do several different things at the same time. I would have multiple projects and problems at work; then get home and watch and record a couple of TV shows I didn't want to miss. I juggled several different goals and kept watch over my daily progress.

From the outside, it looked like I was a big success, but in reality I was in terrible shape. I had made my life complicated to the point that I no longer called the shots for myself and had become a puppet to my activities.

On the other hand, those times when I had simplified my life to one or two of the most important things, was when I was most happy. Try this - limit yourself to one thing at a time, preferably the thing you enjoy the most or what is most important to you.

Rather than watching a lot of TV, just follow one TV program and turn off the rest. Instead of trying to accommodate everyone, just concentrate on your close friends for the time being. Instead of trying to follow the latest fashion trends, just buy one pair of pants and call it a day. See the effect.


3. Enjoy your family and friends

Early this year, I saw my mother and father again after almost three years away from home. They were having a rough time with health and money problems, but seeing them being happy again gave me an overwhelming sense of joy which I had forgotten how it felt. It is similar to the pleasure I feel when I see my friends do well for themselves and get what they want.

I love that sense of camaraderie and brotherhood when you're with your closest friends, and you can just relax and be yourself, go along with the flow, and not hold anything back. Having people who intimately understand you and who will celebrate your highs and commiserate your lows is priceless.


4. Don't worry

When all else fails, I am reminded me of the best advice I've ever heard: 'Don't worry'. Experience has taught me that nothing is really as bad as it looks. And that no one can predict the future. What may look bad now may look silly ten years later.

For instance, you may be worried about a lot of things. You might be worried about getting sick, or losing your job, or being alone, or not having enough money. You can take practical action to avoid those situations, but worrying will not do anything to improve it, so why worry at all.

The past few months, I've been in contact with a lot of people who always seem to give me something that I should worry about. The constant barrage of worry reminders did get to me, and I found myself getting scared and thinking that perhaps I should be more worried than I am. And then I came back to my senses. Do what you think is best and do not worry.


Your personal list of things that make you happy may be different. My list of items are based on my own personal experience. These things won't make you rich. It won't make you successful or popular. But it might make you happier.

Jeepney Inspiration

I'm rereading the book Seven Laws of Spiritual Success written by Deepak Chopra. For years, I've had this as a gift almost six years ago, and went over it rather quickly - too quickly in fact. It's only now that I'm starting to appreciate the concepts contained in the book. It's completely different from what they teach you in big corporations or in school.

I've had glimpses of inspiration in the past that I now realize were close to some of the ideas in the book. It was during these short instances where I had this overwhelming feeling of freedom and confidence that I could do anything.

I remember one time while I was lining up to ride a jeepney to either go home or go to work, I forgot which. All of a sudden, I had this emotion that I could just let go and let things stay the way they are, that I would accept whatever would happen to me in the future, while at the same time pursuing what I loved doing the best. It was this moment that I felt this sense of joy, that I could do anything I want and things will turn out alright.

Up to this day, I still remember this feeling vividly. And I would recapture part of it once in a while, but not to the extent that I had before. I believe Deepak refers to this in the book as the law of least effort and law of detachment. The concept where you can achieve great things through letting go and embracing uncertainty, not being attached to any result.

I'll write more about this in future posts. I also need to finish reading the book. If you're curious, there's a good summary of the seven laws here.

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
written by Mary Schmich
music single by Baz Luhrmann




Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

(original article by Mary Schmich c/o Chicago Tribune)

Three Distinct Groups of Friends

When I was younger, almost all my friends were single and had lots of free time on their hands. This made it very easy to plan get-togethers and hang out with the group. We also had lots more in common, which kept the conversations fun and interesting. We were all essentially focused on the same set of things.

Nowadays, I noticed that my friends and acquaintances fall into three distinct groups - Married, Single, and 'Single wanting to be Married'.

The married types are usually more serious, and a bit more boring. They're usually more focused on money and kids and retirement and other grown-up stuff. What's interesting is seeing the transformation in my previously carefree single friends after they get hitched and start families of their own. Frequently, I need to adjust my schedule and patterns to be with this group. And most of the time, it's just having dinner at home with them and the kids, not much fun.

The single group, as expected, usually have lots more activities to fill up the excess time. Boredom is their number one enemy. They are also a bit more relaxed, but can get worked up very quickly on issues that are not at all important to married friends. Being single myself, I find this group very easy and fun to be with. I can be more loose with them and not worry about how late the time is, or how useless the conversation is.

The third type refers to single types who want to shift to the 'married' group. After some time, it gets quite depressing and stressful being with them. I cringe whenever they say some of their favorite lines: "We need to get married soon" or "We're all getting older". And they're also usually the first to move away from you once they do get married, sad but true. Sometimes married friends will say something similar, to the effect of myself needing to get married as it will solve all my problems (and presumably to join the club).

It's cool when you have hybrids of one or more types. For instance, I have several married friends who take care of huge responsibilities, but who still stay relatively relaxed and carefree. Though their family is still their top priority, they did not allow themselves to be consumed by them. There are also single types who are much more mature and responsible in their thinking, yet being able to adjust depending on who they're with.

Of the three groups, which do you belong to, and which do you consider to be your closest friends?